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<title>Why Can't You Love Me? by skai6 (Biosahar)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248759">Why Can't You Love Me?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biosahar/pseuds/skai6'>skai6 (Biosahar)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, First Kiss, Himbo Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Idiots in Love, Jaskier is human, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Jaskier | Dandelion, so many</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:33:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28248759</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biosahar/pseuds/skai6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaskier has been trying to hint at Geralt that he loved him, but Geralt never reciprocates.</p><p>One evening, Geralt returns late and Jaskier lashes out on him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>188</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Why Can't You Love Me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>It started with:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know, Geralt, I might have a thing for white hair and big swords.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>To which came the reply:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Good for you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And Jaskier hasn’t stopped ever since. He would throw in a word or two at any given chance, compliment, tease, flirt, anything to get the witcher’s attention, to drill into that thick skull of his just how desperately in love Jaskier was with him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>That, however, was easier said than done.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Two decades of trial and failure, Jaskier learned the hard way that it was perhaps not that Geralt was slow-witted, an idiot, a complete and utter fool, that on the contrary, the other might have understood the context, picked up the hints, but simply did not care enough to reciprocate. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And oh did that realization <em>hurt</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They spent their days on the road and Jaskier spent every second of it sulking. He was terribly mad, not at Geralt, but at himself, for being so blinded by the promise of hope that he did not see reason for the past <em>twenty fucking years</em>. Gods, if anyone was a fool out of the two, it <em>had </em>to be him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Give it another decade or two,</em> he told himself sarcastically, <em>I’ll eventually get over the biggest rip-off of a fucking lifetime.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And when Jaskier was mad, he did not hesitate to burst out at every given chance. So, one evening, when Geralt returned from a hunt two hours later than planned, he found Jaskier at the inn’s rented chamber, waiting for him. Jaskier could smell it a mile away, the outrageous mixture of liquor and perfume, and that was <em>it</em>. The perfect opportunity - his chance to let out some steam. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>After <em>twenty fucking years, </em>he deserved it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where in the gods have you been?” he yelled, standing with his hands on his hips, as if he had been waiting in that same posture for hours, boiling with the urgent need to start a fight. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt didn’t flinch at his tone. He clicked the door shut behind and began tiredly uncluttering his armour. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Beast’s taken longer to slay.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And if Jaskier was not angry enough before, the <em>lie</em> did the rest of the work.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do I look like an idiot?” he scoffed, “No, <em>really</em>, do I?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt threw a skeptical gaze his way, said nothing, then returned to rearrange his armour on the dresser and marched to the bed to begin undoing his boots. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier stamped after him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m talking to you, sir!” he yelled, “You can’t just leave me here and come back whenever you please! If you’re taking longer out there you <em>ought</em> to let me know! What am I? Your fucking <em>wife</em>?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt grunted, and to Jaskier’s horror, he sounded amused.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You find this <em>funny</em>? How dare you!” he spat, “And look at me when I’m talking to you!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>On the bed, Geralt kicked off his boots with a sigh and, at last, fixed his golden gaze on him. Calm and collected. To Jaskier - unbelievably infuriating.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s with you?” he said, “Got a horse’s hoof up your arse? Calm down.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier’s anger only spiked.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“<em>Calm down?” </em>His voice raised an octave, and he threw his head back to force out an exaggerated laugh. “Oh dear, oh yes, but of course! How come I haven’t thought of it? The cure to all of my misfortune! Calming <em>the fuck</em> down! He goes out there doing gods know what, never telling me when he returns and I have to remain prettily seated like some <em>fucking</em> ornament, <em>waiting</em> for <em>him</em>. Listen here, you <em>bastard</em>. If there is one person in this room with a horse’s hoof up their arse, that’s <em>you</em>. And that whore of yours you’ve been fucking all night? My condolences to her expectations. <em>She could do so much better than a butcher.</em>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And that last sentence, like a trigger, kicked Geralt off the bed and standing in an instant. Jaskier physically jolted in his skin when the other walked to him, jaw tight, glare burning with something that was a mixture of anger and hurt.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Watch your mouth<em>.”</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier’s breath hitched, and the fool, the <em>hopelessly, madly in love fool that he was</em>, couldn’t help himself from answering.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Or what? You’ll shut me up yourself?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>An irritated grunt. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I <em>might</em>.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The room plunged into heavy, stifling silence. Jaskier could hear his heartbeats resonate in his ears. His anger was not as strong anymore, not when <em>despair</em> and <em>ache</em> and <em>hurt</em> came taking turns inside his heart. He felt his stomach turn. He felt he could cry.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>On the outside, he showed none of it. His eyebrows furrowed, his lips curved into an insulting smirk.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You witchers are all bark and no bite.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And that was about what has done it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier could not tell apart the second in which Geralt’s leg moved and the one in which his back was flattered against the nearest wall. His body kicked out a rush of adrenaline that forced him to send a whimper out in the open. Geralt picked up on his fear, his flaring eyes narrowed, his nose twitched. He was smelling him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re jealous.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Like <em>fuck </em>I a- Mm!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A rough palm came pressing to his mouth, forcibly shutting him up. Geralt’s eyebrows furrowed. He was not done talking.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’ve been picking up hints for a while,” he said, “Racing heartbeats for no fucking reason. Long annoying stares. Whining under the sheets with my name on your lips. I just don’t fucking get it. <em>Why? What </em>are you jealous of?<em>”</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier’s eyes narrowed and he bit the skin that came muffling him. Geralt hissed and pulled away.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You <em>knew</em>?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt swallowed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I... wasn’t sure <em>what </em>to know.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you fucking kidding me?” he barked, tears starting to swarm his eyes, “Geralt, I’ve been <em>pining</em> for you for decades and you <em>knew?</em> And you - and you <em>did fucking nothing</em>?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt’s hold of him loosened and Jaskier took his chance to grip him by the collar of his unlaced tunic and flip them over. To his surprise, Geralt followed willingly, letting himself get overpowered, and landed with his back to the wall, his eyes darting elsewhere, looking as guilty as they came.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Look at me,” said Jaskier, “Gods fucking dammit<em>, look at me, </em>Geralt!<em>”</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Slow, unsure, amber eyes returned to him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why did you never say anything?” Jaskier’s voice broke, and one tear trailed down his left eye. “All these fucking years. You saw me, like a lovestruck fool, looking at you like you’re the sun and the moon and everything beyond and <em>you did nothing</em>. Why? Just tell me, <em>why</em>?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Geralt’s adam’s apple bobbed. He gritted his teeth in stubborn hesitance until Jaskier’s eyes fell down, and his grip on his collar began to loosen. That was when he came gripping his wrist, holding it where it was, against his chest. With a broken look of feeble hope, Jaskier lifted up his gaze at him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do I ...” His voice broke. “Do I even matter to you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You <em>do</em>.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Don’t just say what I want to -”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You <em>matter</em>, and that’s why. That’s <em>fucking why</em>.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier didn’t know what to say to that, and Geralt continued.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“How do you think twenty years by your side felt like? Twenty years watching you live, age, <em>grow</em>. There’s only so much time can give. Until it rips it all away.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Jaskier’s tears ceased. His eyes now bearing confusion and worry.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I can’t have you,” said Geralt, voice tight, lip trembling. “Not when I know someday, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but <em>someday, </em>I will have to let you go.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And at those words, Jaskier, not knowing what got into him, burst into laughter. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Under Geralt’s wary stare, he laughed loudly, whole-heartedly, until he could no longer contain it, until his cheeks hurt from the pain, and he had to cling into the other’s body for balance. Until the tears of sadness were completely replaced by tears of happiness.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Happiness to know that his feelings were not unrequited. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Jaskier...”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Geralt, you <em>fool</em>.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He didn’t need to speak the words he meant to convey. He completely and utterly gave in, right then and there, cupped the other’s face and kissed him. His lips tasted of cheap wine and hidden desires. It felt like bringing life back into a body that had long been depraved. He had watched the witcher kiss many women, and never, <em>never</em> had he groaned so desperately, so sweetly before in his life.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And Jaskier wanted to believe it was true, all of it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You’re afraid I’ll die?” he mouthed shortly after pulling back, the scent of the other already clinging to his nostrils, something that was pure Geralt, something that reminded him of his own fearlessness. “Afraid I’ll leave you alone? Well, <em>fucking hell</em>, Geralt, we’re all dying. We’re all deteriorating, day after day, waiting for that sweet death to take us. And so what do we do? What do we make of the life we are given? We cry, moan, complain. We never live<em>. We never live, </em>Geralt<em>. </em>I might die before you, but for gods’ love I want to die a fulfilled man. I want to have kissed and loved and <em>fucked</em> the one I love to my heart’s content before I get to lay in my death’s bed satisfied and <em>happy</em>. That’s life, Geralt. That’s it. You either live it, or you die trying. <em>And I want to try.</em>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He placed a soft kiss on Geralt’s bottom lip and whispered:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“With you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He couldn’t witness the expression on his face after that. He was taken by arms so strong he thought he could suffocate. Jaskier loved every bit of that sweet suffocation. So tight was his hold and so everlasting he thought time was barely floating by. Until it eventually loosened and calloused fingers came grazing his cheek. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I want to try, too,” he said, “I want <em>you</em>, Jaskier. Always have.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The look he bore, so vulnerable, so true, so bare, had Jaskier understand. He still was uncertain, still hesitant, still unsure. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And perhaps it would take another decade for him to be convinced that love was timeless, that it didn’t matter if death took one of them away after they have loved each other so strongly and dearly and passionately. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But Jaskier was patient. And he would wait an eternity if it meant Geralt would finally let himself be loved.</p>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div></div>
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